Little run away

It is not uncommon for me to utter the words “You wanna run away with me?” to my husband at the end of a long day. It sounds soooo good to just utter the words. He always reminds me I’d get lonely for the kids and Grandkids, and before drifting completely off to sleep he will remind me that we’ve built a life we don’t need to run away from. He’s always got a good perspective. 

I’ve only ran away from home once-  When I was five years old. I don’t recall why but I’m sure I was as fired up as a sassy five year old could be. The youngest of five, with only eight years between myself and the oldest brother I’m sure somebody wasn’t wanting to include me in their activities and I had decided life would be better if I packed up and left. The details are a bit sketchy, but I remember I had a few items in a bag- I was still in pajamas and I was being sassy about leaving. I was handed a sack lunch by my mom who informed me I’d be getting hungry soon.  I believe it was also mentioned that I’d be taking care of myself now..a little reality check sprinkled in with some good old fashioned mom guilt for good measure.

Adventurous as I must have felt, I ended up across the street in the lawn of our church. I was very familiar with this spot. My best friend lived across the street from me, next to the church as her father was our pastor. We used to play on that lawn daily. I’m sure it felt welcoming and safe, and heck I crossed the street so I must have felt very independent! I ended up hunkering down under a pine tree. The boughs falling all the way to the ground,  I remember lifting the heavy branch to crawl under. I’m sure I settled in, feeling like I’d be there forever, but I’m not one to be alone- so when the bough lifted a short while later and it was my Dad telling me I had to come home- I didn’t resist too much. 

So, here I am now, the grown up. The Grandma for heavens sake, and still at least once a month I whisper “Can we run away?” to my hubby as he tries to drift off to sleep. It’s the restless nights where I’ve already tired my mind with the days business and the nonsense you think of when you can’t fall asleep…. What if monkeys could crochet? What happened to Mr. Thompson after eighth grade graduation? What ever happened to my childhood plastic animal collection?  But on top of the nonsense, there has been true deep thoughts about life’s purpose, life expectancies and legacies. Worry over our children and now Grandchildren. I mull this all over, nightly. Im in hot pursuit to not only become a better person but to be sure I am doing all I should with all this life has to offer. The phase “life is not a spectator sport” is very true, and I try to achieve and balance it all. Laughing, loving, struggling and celebrating. I am careful to never take the good moments for granted. Never run away from the life we’ve busted our backs to make. Never run away from a situation that is in front of us. I have faith that the outcome will be what the good lord intends. So, I’ll stay firmly planted. I’ll leave the runaway days to the five year old who felt lost in the shuffle. As I try to focus on building this passion filled life, I will remind myself that as long as I am settled in next to my man at night there’s no reason to run away, even if he’s willing to come with. 

This summer, I had a fun visit with my first friend. She was the one who lived in the house next to the church where I had taken refuge in the pine tree. We decided that we couldn’t be so close to our childhood homes and not take a trip down memory lane. Coffees in hand, we parked in the church parking lot where decades before we had played tag, and learned how to ride two wheel bikes. The empty field where we would have neighborhood ball games now was filled with homes. We stood on the stairs of her old home and recreated a photo of us taken the first day of kindergarten- I think we both felt a quick ping of pain for all the years that had passed.

About forty seven years have passed since I lifted the bough of that tree- but looking at it standing there all trimmed and grand I couldn’t help but think of that day.

I had to take a minute and sit under the tree again. I’m a sucker for sentimental moments, moments like this remind me that Ive never been one to wander far from my roots. Even at the age of five. 

A reminder that I don’t ever need to run away from home again. My heart is full where I am.

Till next time- Erin