Author: admin

I can recall with uncanny detail the days of 1972- Christmas time to be more accurate. I had received a fisher price boat from Santa, and man did I love that thing. A life vest that would fit a dog? What? I thought it was hilarious. I loved the ridged bounce off the diving board with the circle lip that would hold the dog until I was ready to plunge him into the bubbly water below. There were yellow deck chairs for the people of the boat to lay in and it was how I loved spending my time, in a bubble-filled tub that would get cooled off so many times my mom would have to come in repeatedly to add more hot water as my fingers became prunes.

Outside of the tub, there was coloring. Ahhh, the good old days.

Living in Illinois as a child I spent many an afternoon in the winters playing inside at the kitchen table avoiding the harsh Midwest weather. Our family table was where I could create. Our kitchen table was magical with paper, coloring books, and crayons. My Mom would wash dishes or do other kitchen chores while Elvis played for hours on the record player. The whole kitchen smelling of pine- sol and life was good.

Coloring and creating was my “thing”, and within that was the Crayola that had been given the name “Cornflower Blue”. It was my favorite. To this day I literally feel happy just thinking of that color. I loved how the slightly gray coloring pages were just rough enough that the color would come off the crayon with little effort, and oddly enough when I think back on my childhood I often think of days spent creating with this color of crayon.

As easy as it is for me to recall the past, it’s equally as easy for me to envision the future. Which brings me to this point. Your past filled with dreams and memories from it can help shape your passions. I am happy when I think of the feelings I had in that old kitchen. To this day if I am feeling low my sink at home will be filled with warm water and Pine-sol-because I want to be that kid whose Mom is still here. I want to be the carefree kid who can smell Pine-sol mixed with Cornflower Blue crayon. So as I follow through with the vision this is what I see.

The property next door to my home is empty. I can sit on my back deck with a drink in hand and visualize turning it into a retreat. There will be small cabins, just big enough for a bed and two sitting chairs. Space will be filled with Shabby chic decor and each room will be finished with a framed coloring book page that had been colored in Cornflower blue. Somewhere on a small shelf will be a few antique toys and I wouldn’t be surprised if my old friend Mr. Dog wouldn’t be standing tall wearing his life vest in at least one of these cabins. On the small front decks of each cabin I will provide seating with some flower pots, and it will be tranquil. Cornflower Blue retreat will also have animals in a small area with a tiny barn and split rail fence. Two alpaca’s named Elvis and Priscilla (shout out to my early Elvis memories) goats, and seven chickens one each that my Grandkids can pick out and name. Evenings will find guests sitting around the fire pit with drinks and s’ mores will be made. These days that I describe are as vivid to me as the day’s that I remember and they bring me joy to think about. Imagining my guests sitting under a pavilion for meals that I have prepared at my house. Evening entertainment of music and storytelling- I can picture it all.

I have taken this vision as far as making a business flyer- it’s very simplistic but it’s a visual reminder of a dream. It makes it all make sense. If Cornflower Blue Retreat never comes to fruition then so be it- but to me, it’s here. It’s in my mind as a dream that has come to life.

This to me shows how something as small as a childhood crayon can become a passion. Think about what makes you happy. Something as small as a crayon, when you follow it through can become an idea that is bigger than you even realized it could be.

So what was it? As a child did you love to draw, play in the grass or go on long walks with your Dad? Did you build forts, bake cupcakes or do science projects all day in the kitchen? What could that lead you to today if you thought it through?

If you were not blessed with a childhood that brought you peace and good memories than think back to where you went in your mind to escape. Did you tell yourself that when you were the adult you were going to get in a car and drive/explore? Were you going to be in a band or learn how to fly a plane? You are still here, and the good news is you are the adult now.

Here’s to taking one step today to finding what it is you want to do. Grab the fork and look for the last piece of pie. It is yours to take!

Till next time- Erin

My all-time favorite movie is Field of Dreams, the whisper of the universe telling Ray that If he built it, they would come. He had every reason in the world to not build his ball field, yet at the end of the movie there it was.

Ray had family and friends who all thought he was crazy. He had his home and his livelihood on the line, and yet he couldn’t escape building the field. Along the way he had many roadblocks, things were happening to him that he couldn’t understand, things that were unexplainable yet he continued. Eventually, his passion rubs off on his wife Annie, and with the support of just one person, he is driven to continue with this plan that even he doesn’t understand.

There are many thought-provoking elements from that movie that can be taken and applied to our own lives.

What is it that you long to do that seems crazy to the others around you? How crazy are you willing to look to make your whisper a reality? Do you have that one person who will support you when others turn away?

If you recall, Ray becomes annoyed and angry when after putting so much work into the field he is told that he can not partake of all it has to offer, he is not invited into what lays beyond the outfield grass. All his work and effort he is told has a stop point. Of course he is hurt and confused by this. After all his work he feels slighted and begins to shout “What’s in it for me?”

My thoughts when watching this film, and that clip impaticular is that it’s much like raising our children. We do everything we think we need to do, working tirelessly to fulfill dreams that are not ours, and in the end we are asked to stay back out of the corn so that the dreams they have can be realized. Sad at first, we struggle. Empty nest is real and hard…. but if you can look at the fact that we are not meant to go on all the journeys life will hand our kids, if we stay behind we realize our own dreams have been waiting for the noise of the uninverse to quiet down so we can discover what else there is for us. Our passions continue long after we are asked to step back from the corn. If you’ve been looking for the universe to sent you a sign, if you’ve been waiting for your official invite to find your passion…

Well here is your invite.

Today I invite you to find your passion and listen to that whisper, start dreaming or better yet start taking steps toward enjoying your pie. It will be a journey that we go on together as I don’t have it all figured out. I have many ideas and most of them scare the heck out of me. I wonder will people think of me as they thought of Ray, am I just a bit crazy about making my visions reality.

If you follow through with my Field Of Dreams analogy, you know that at the end it wasn’t the field or Shoeless Joe or even Terrence Mann that mattered. All along the universe had been drawing Ray to his Father for a simple game of catch. It took a lot of twists and turns to get him to the point where he could have that game of catch, but he followed through with each crazy plot twist. In the end, this field that he built that others felt would be his demise, brought hundred if not thousands to the field all for their own reasons. The movie played out that way, but so did real life. It began an unexpected pilgrimage to Dyersville Iowa by many who loved the movie. I was one who made the trip to Dyersville. I have sat on the bleachers and pondered life. I’ve watched a pickup game of baseball being played by others who had also made the trip.

For years I had a plastic tube of dirt from left field on my desk, and I held on as long as I could to the ear of corn that made the trip home with me. I think most of us look to fulfilling our dreams and think that it’s complicated and just out of reach- well I myself am going to think of Ray. I am going to imagine that there will be some folks around me that think I’m crazy and think I should be satisfied and that I am putting too much emphasis on something that they can’t see the value of. But if Ray can take the farm field and turn it into a ball field so that he can make amends with his father who passed decades before what isn’t possible?

So what do ya say? “Do you want to have a catch?”

I have a lot of dreams and most have been put on hold while I raised my family, this was intentional as nothing I have ever done in life has been more important to me than the raising of my kids and having a strong marriage. But as the name of my blog implies, there is more pie- I do not have to share this pie and I certainly don’t have to give it away entirely. I can pick up a fork and partake and see what happens.

Till next time, Erin

Taking inventory of my strengths and weaknesses as I go looking for my “pie”.

Among strengths: Team player, strong-willed, strong spirit, loving. I have always done what’s needed to get done. If there’s a need, I’m your girl. I thrive on need because I thrive on being needed. That last statement will no doubt show up under weaknesses as well. It’s a double edge sword that has cut me more than once.

Among Weaknesses: self-doubt, feeling less valuable in a team setting, not establishing my own boundaries for what I will and won’t accept, and let’s not forget the above mentioned… I thrive on being needed.

My husband and I have tried our hand at several different businesses over our marriage. Nearly twenty years ago we bought into a franchise system that is male-dominated. I was raised to work hard and get the job done, and although I love hard work, not a week goes by that I won’t have a male customer mention that I am kind of a fish out of water. I have two answers on standby for them, one is “In my next life I’m going to work in a bridal shop.” The second being “I have a great pot roast recipe if you’re interested.” This generally garnishes a laugh but laughter is not the point of the comment. It’s an outward expression of what I am feeling and my frustration in knowing that I am kind of a “fish out of water.” I have said for years I would love to work at a bridal shop, and I do plan one day to try my hand at that. I would like to do something completely different than what I am doing now, and nothing is more opposite than being around beautiful dresses….As for the pot roast, well I’m a pretty good cook so there’s that.

Things I know for sure: the days go slow but the years go fast. It’s not so easy to move away from what pays the bills it’s easier to stick with what you are comfortable with. I’ve worked with my husband and son in our business for over eighteen years, that wasn’t the plan but it was what I felt was right. We have recently added some real estate to our lives and I have enjoyed the creative side of promoting the property that we rent. It has taken me into a new comfort zone where I feel I am a key player.

Awhile back I posted this photo of my hands on my Facebook page. I was feeling defeated and ugly and the comments I posted with the photo reflected that. A few minutes later my brother in law said it was national “no complaints day” so I thought about that photo long and hard and put a new Facebook post up that said the following:

“These are my beat up hands. They work fine, they are strong and abused but they rarely fail me. These hands have bathed my babies, cooked a million meals for those I love- held my Grand kid’s hands and several great gin and tonics. These hands have let me scale a cliff in Costa Rica, held my sister’s hands when I thought we were being led to our slaughter and rubbed my Mom’s feet as she passed on to heaven. Thanks, hands”

Every word of that is so true. My glass was half empty when I looked at my hands that day until I realized how full my heart was.

These are the same hands that are going to lead me into all of my next adventures. Among them is figuring out a way to work at a bridal shop, turning a horse trailer into a beautiful bar, doing some party planning and who knows maybe that retreat will someday exist but for now top of mind is writing this blog. That’s a small list of a million ideas that go through my head on a daily basis. It’s the creative entrepreneur in me that can’t stop thinking of things to do. These hands will also be with me as I love my grandbabies, spend time with my husband and children and be part of every victory and defeat that is yet to come. I am grateful for these beat-up hands.

Till next time- Erin

In high school, some kids were voted best dressed, class clown, most talented… but if there had been a category “Most likely to marry and have kids” I would have won hands down. There was plenty of conversation revolving around the fact that I always saw myself getting married and having a family. The idea of this seemed crazy to classmates who were going to college or seeking out worldly adventures, their goals and mine held no similarities. I think their judgement was supposed to be a moment where kids with bigger dreams could chuckle and feel momentarily superior. Somehow, despite the connotations, I always prayed they were right. Then fate stepped in, and a friend named Alison threw a spring break party where I met a feather-haired, gold chain wearing dream. Four months later at the age of seventeen, I was engaged to be married. I was one step closer to fulfilling the tongue in cheek vision that my classmates had jokingly laid out before me.

Fast forward thirty four years.

I find that hard to even type as the passing of time has always put a lump in my throat, I’m honestly typing through teary eyes. Thirty- four years since a high school party changed the trajectory of my life forever. I was blessed when a year later at age eighteen I got married. I relished in the role of wife and years later with the birth of our son I became a mother. Our daughter followed two and half years later. It will go down as my greatest accomplishment that my kids felt loved and secure growing up, and although we didn’t always have what others had they enjoyed their childhood. It would be honest to say the only one who enjoyed it more than them-was me. I can tell you without doubt or any uncertainty that I was born to be a Mother. This didn’t make me the worlds best, but oh how I tried. While the other mom’s sat at the picnic tables at the park, I played…hard. I played with my kids, and soon we would have all the kids at the park joining in. I would cackle “I’ll get you my pretty” like the wicked witch from The Wizard of Oz and run like a wild woman tagging screaming children. I loved it beyond measure and I miss those days.

Then, one day I realize life has been happening. I think I was so busy enjoying my kid’s life with them that I didn’t make that separation as to my own life and my happiness outside of them. If left alone to my own devices, which I always hated, I was lonely and bored. Often I would have no idea how to fill my time. There were times I became envious of the women who could put themselves first and follow other passions. I didn’t know how. I truly had never allowed myself to do that. So while I made sure my family enjoyed all the “pie” I sat back joyfully taking credit for their happiness, such a silly idea now that I am older and wiser. While I was glad to see them all following their passion I was blindly losing site of what would fill my days. My “someday” was always another day, week or year away. I ended up kicking my “someday” further down the road.

Well, folks, I’ve come to a fork in the road. I want to kick the rock in both directions and see what I find. I want to start trying out interests that I’ve shelved for years and find out where I go. I have viewed this blog as sort of a rebirth of a writing passion I have had my whole life. It is certainly at the top of the “pursue your passion” list. I can’t tell you with certainty that I know where I am headed with this. I hope to have others join this will hopefully be a place for feel support and inspiration. I have also concluded that even if another person never reads my words, I will have done something just for myself. Selfish enjoyment, which has been a long time coming.

I hope that you start thinking about your own passions and desires that you’ve shelved. I hope when you’re done with raising babies or building that career or whatever else has been occupying your time that you grab a fork and dig into that last piece of pie!

Till next time- Erin