Just Write

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, just know that if I don’t get back to what I love I will become less of who I am. So here goes-

Before all the madness hit, my husband and I had taken a few hour ride to check out a piece of property that was for sale. It had an existing business on it and it seemed like it was worth the drive to consider taking it on. The day was nice, stopping for lunch along the way and having conversation about the future. We have always been planners, we are not the “live for today” type, so we usually hash a lot of things out on these rides where it’s just us and the blacktop.

Half way to our destination, the idea of my ice cream shop was discussed. This is the same ice cream shop I’ve mentioned in a few of my other posts. It’s the one that I have the grand kids convinced we will have one day. We have our Pintrest boards filled with ideas and it’s name is picked out. But, during this particular drive it was determined that if we made it to this property and it wasn’t a good fit, we would make the Ice cream dream happen. The property and it’s existing business wasn’t what we wanted so on our ride home the ice cream/sweet shop idea was a hot topic. We figured out about a two year time line and by the time we were home I was feeling high on sugar dreams.

Not too much was said about this, I discussed it with the grand kids while we designed and colored pictures of what our ice cream cones would look like. A coloring project that is easy to get behind when you are between five and eight years old and your Grandma tells you she is going to open an ice cream shop. I told one friend about it and took photos of a building I would want it to be in, this building isn’t for sale but who knows what might change I thought. The building sit’s without an address, without any idea of who owns it so I started asking around while at night I tried to photo shop the pictures I took to see what it would look like once I was done with it. (Fantastic by the way) My husband contacted a man he knows whose wife owns a small ice cream shop, and I contacted her about picking her brain and maybe coming down to Ohio during Spring break when I wouldn’t be watching the little ones, doing a job shadow and being productive toward my goal… that has all fallen to the wayside.

Crazy. There’s no other word really. Instead of having fun thoughts about the future I’ve gone a bit crazy worrying about today. Fun idea’s about the future are so far off my radar that I can’t even remember what they look like. Wondering if there will even be any fun times ahead? I’m not sure of the answer. Wondering if the planning for the future attitude was all a waste? I don’t do good with the “out of my control” discussion that I have with myself no less than forty times a day. I want to remain a dreamer in action. I just don’t have it in me, I’ve been trying.

I really haven’t been able to write since the madness hit, my brain can not function on chaos and still be creative. Much like the fact that I haven’t been able to read a book since my Mom died, and that’s been eight years. I just can’t concentrate. I would hate to think that I would be stuck without being able to write, so I am forcing myself to get the dialog going again. Because eight years from now I don’t want to realize I haven’t written anything since the madness. That would be too big of a sacrifice.

So here it is…words on a screen. I’m writing because I just have to write. This is something I still have control over while the rest of the world is on fire around me.

I’ll sign off now because I really don’t have anything else to cover. Thank you for letting me just write, thank you for just reading.

Till next time- Erin