Month: February 2019

Taking inventory of my strengths and weaknesses as I go looking for my “pie”.

Among strengths: Team player, strong-willed, strong spirit, loving. I have always done what’s needed to get done. If there’s a need, I’m your girl. I thrive on need because I thrive on being needed. That last statement will no doubt show up under weaknesses as well. It’s a double edge sword that has cut me more than once.

Among Weaknesses: self-doubt, feeling less valuable in a team setting, not establishing my own boundaries for what I will and won’t accept, and let’s not forget the above mentioned… I thrive on being needed.

My husband and I have tried our hand at several different businesses over our marriage. Nearly twenty years ago we bought into a franchise system that is male-dominated. I was raised to work hard and get the job done, and although I love hard work, not a week goes by that I won’t have a male customer mention that I am kind of a fish out of water. I have two answers on standby for them, one is “In my next life I’m going to work in a bridal shop.” The second being “I have a great pot roast recipe if you’re interested.” This generally garnishes a laugh but laughter is not the point of the comment. It’s an outward expression of what I am feeling and my frustration in knowing that I am kind of a “fish out of water.” I have said for years I would love to work at a bridal shop, and I do plan one day to try my hand at that. I would like to do something completely different than what I am doing now, and nothing is more opposite than being around beautiful dresses….As for the pot roast, well I’m a pretty good cook so there’s that.

Things I know for sure: the days go slow but the years go fast. It’s not so easy to move away from what pays the bills it’s easier to stick with what you are comfortable with. I’ve worked with my husband and son in our business for over eighteen years, that wasn’t the plan but it was what I felt was right. We have recently added some real estate to our lives and I have enjoyed the creative side of promoting the property that we rent. It has taken me into a new comfort zone where I feel I am a key player.

Awhile back I posted this photo of my hands on my Facebook page. I was feeling defeated and ugly and the comments I posted with the photo reflected that. A few minutes later my brother in law said it was national “no complaints day” so I thought about that photo long and hard and put a new Facebook post up that said the following:

“These are my beat up hands. They work fine, they are strong and abused but they rarely fail me. These hands have bathed my babies, cooked a million meals for those I love- held my Grand kid’s hands and several great gin and tonics. These hands have let me scale a cliff in Costa Rica, held my sister’s hands when I thought we were being led to our slaughter and rubbed my Mom’s feet as she passed on to heaven. Thanks, hands”

Every word of that is so true. My glass was half empty when I looked at my hands that day until I realized how full my heart was.

These are the same hands that are going to lead me into all of my next adventures. Among them is figuring out a way to work at a bridal shop, turning a horse trailer into a beautiful bar, doing some party planning and who knows maybe that retreat will someday exist but for now top of mind is writing this blog. That’s a small list of a million ideas that go through my head on a daily basis. It’s the creative entrepreneur in me that can’t stop thinking of things to do. These hands will also be with me as I love my grandbabies, spend time with my husband and children and be part of every victory and defeat that is yet to come. I am grateful for these beat-up hands.

Till next time- Erin

In high school, some kids were voted best dressed, class clown, most talented… but if there had been a category “Most likely to marry and have kids” I would have won hands down. There was plenty of conversation revolving around the fact that I always saw myself getting married and having a family. The idea of this seemed crazy to classmates who were going to college or seeking out worldly adventures, their goals and mine held no similarities. I think their judgement was supposed to be a moment where kids with bigger dreams could chuckle and feel momentarily superior. Somehow, despite the connotations, I always prayed they were right. Then fate stepped in, and a friend named Alison threw a spring break party where I met a feather-haired, gold chain wearing dream. Four months later at the age of seventeen, I was engaged to be married. I was one step closer to fulfilling the tongue in cheek vision that my classmates had jokingly laid out before me.

Fast forward thirty four years.

I find that hard to even type as the passing of time has always put a lump in my throat, I’m honestly typing through teary eyes. Thirty- four years since a high school party changed the trajectory of my life forever. I was blessed when a year later at age eighteen I got married. I relished in the role of wife and years later with the birth of our son I became a mother. Our daughter followed two and half years later. It will go down as my greatest accomplishment that my kids felt loved and secure growing up, and although we didn’t always have what others had they enjoyed their childhood. It would be honest to say the only one who enjoyed it more than them-was me. I can tell you without doubt or any uncertainty that I was born to be a Mother. This didn’t make me the worlds best, but oh how I tried. While the other mom’s sat at the picnic tables at the park, I played…hard. I played with my kids, and soon we would have all the kids at the park joining in. I would cackle “I’ll get you my pretty” like the wicked witch from The Wizard of Oz and run like a wild woman tagging screaming children. I loved it beyond measure and I miss those days.

Then, one day I realize life has been happening. I think I was so busy enjoying my kid’s life with them that I didn’t make that separation as to my own life and my happiness outside of them. If left alone to my own devices, which I always hated, I was lonely and bored. Often I would have no idea how to fill my time. There were times I became envious of the women who could put themselves first and follow other passions. I didn’t know how. I truly had never allowed myself to do that. So while I made sure my family enjoyed all the “pie” I sat back joyfully taking credit for their happiness, such a silly idea now that I am older and wiser. While I was glad to see them all following their passion I was blindly losing site of what would fill my days. My “someday” was always another day, week or year away. I ended up kicking my “someday” further down the road.

Well, folks, I’ve come to a fork in the road. I want to kick the rock in both directions and see what I find. I want to start trying out interests that I’ve shelved for years and find out where I go. I have viewed this blog as sort of a rebirth of a writing passion I have had my whole life. It is certainly at the top of the “pursue your passion” list. I can’t tell you with certainty that I know where I am headed with this. I hope to have others join this will hopefully be a place for feel support and inspiration. I have also concluded that even if another person never reads my words, I will have done something just for myself. Selfish enjoyment, which has been a long time coming.

I hope that you start thinking about your own passions and desires that you’ve shelved. I hope when you’re done with raising babies or building that career or whatever else has been occupying your time that you grab a fork and dig into that last piece of pie!

Till next time- Erin