2:00 Faith

My husband has asked me on more than one occasion why I sleep with my phone ringer on. It’s true that if you ever need me for anything, I can be reached at all hours of the night. This started when my kids were old enough to be out on their own, and was heightened when my Mom was sick. This became a cemented habit by the time my phone rang the night before she passed.
Just before two in the morning my phone rang, it was my Dad telling me that they were heading to the hospital. I told him to be safe driving as it was December in the mitten, which meant snow and ice, it was dark and I knew his nerves were already shot. His response was that he wasn’t driving, they were in an ambulance.
I quickly hop out of bed, calling my sister and throwing on a sweatshirt- I then waited outside for my sisters car to round the corner, and I honestly don’t think the car came to a complete stop, we were off. The drive there was quick and quiet we arrived about two a.m. and I caught my breath just long enough to say a prayer on the way through the doors. Sometimes, the prayers you ask for are not what manifest~ such was the case on December 21, 2011. I still have faith that what was suppose to happened did happen, regardless of my hearts wishes. It’s this faith I have at two a.m. that keeps me going.
My “all day faith” handles the easy stuff, when you’re up and praying at two a.m. that takes a special kind of faith…

It’s two a.m., coffee in hand, gas in the tank and half a days travel awaits. I always plan my trips to start at two a.m., it gets a lot of road behind me before the rest of the world is even awake. By the time anyone from home checks in I’ll be just outside of Nashville. Traveling by myself for thirteen hours and I have never felt nervous. I’ve felt excited as I head toward my loved ones, I’ve felt energized that I am in charge of these trips, where to stop (only twice each way) what plays on the radio (Pandora 1970s, books on tape, and country from each decade since 1950.) I have had many people tell me I’m crazy for making these solo trips at that hour but I know better~ I have faith in two a.m. and never once do I get a flat tire, run low on gas, encounter road rage or anything troublesome ~ my two a.m. faith has taken me far. My two a.m. road trips have come to an end as my loved ones now live here, just in time… months later and this pandemic has hit and travel even with my two a.m. faith wouldn’t have been possible.

It’s two a.m. and I’m nowhere near the required sleep I’m gonna need to wake up to another day of pandemic confinement. It leaves me anxious and I can can feel the panic rise up from my toes and travel through my body. I haven’t left my house in weeks except for a trip to the bank, that being said it isn’t the virus that is making me anxious, it’s what will be left once it has passed. My mind will not shut off with every scenario playing out in my head. It’s only when I close my eyes and say a prayer that I feel the tension start to ease. I can exhale. I can fall asleep, and I wake hours later with my hands still folded in prayer.

It’s two a.m., I’ve had three hours of sleep, this will be the eyes wide open portion of my slumber. I went to sleep crying, thinking of tacos, margaritas and family. You see, before it all changed the day before Easter meant the whole family would meet for Mexican food, everyone arriving as close to the agreed on time as possible as we were gathering from three different state. Three generations, loads of fun, matched only by loads of tequila and tortilla chips. We would eat out that night, and Easter would bring a home cooked meal from Mom.
I think of this at two a.m. That was years ago, before it all changed. Now the day before Easter finds us all in separate states, all with our own schedules~ no laughter over frozen drinks.

It’s two a.m… I can guess the time almost to the minute when my eyes open. My Fitbit says 2:02, it’s Easter morning. We have prepared the kitchen, family room and dining room with construction paper eggs that have been taped up. The grandkids who are living here will wake to search for them. The grandkids who aren’t with us will call to video chat today, it will barely be enough for me. I’m reminded of the Easter celebration we had when I was a kid. My brother and his girlfiend ( now wife of almost forty years) had not made it home for Christmas, so when they arrived for Easter time it was game on. My Mom put up a Christmas tree and put the baskets under it. She cooked breakfast and called us off of school. We all laughed as she explained to the office staff that her kids were home and we were celebrating Christmas and Easter.
I can totally understand where my mom was coming from, wanting a re-do on her holidays because her kids were not all home with her. Perhaps I will have a redo…I go over that in my mind at two a.m., I check my Fitbit again…it’s 2:50 ~ I’m exhausted. Things will be fine. I have faith in the two o’clock hour, I’m awake until the day ends, Easter is in the books.
Again, tears as I fall asleep.

Till next time~ erin